Parenting 101: A Lesson Learned the Hard Way

Yesterday I was so exhausted and frustrated with Brinton's (almost 4 years old) disobedience. He has actually been quite cooperative lately, but he had done several naughty things and I was simply worn out, especially since my husband travels for work and was gone. With no help from hubby I just wanted the kids to go straight to bed last night. I was frustrated and told him so and I listed all the bad things he had done that day. I wasn't yelling or anything, but I told him I didn't have the energy to lay down by him at bedtime like usual because of x, y, and z that he had done wrong that day. His face crumpled and he started crying and said I was mean. So I pulled him close and asked, "What did I do mean?" He replied through tears, "Talking about all the naughty stuff. I don't like that." I said, "Okay. And I don't like it when you do naughty stuff. [pause] Would you rather I talked about everything you did nice today?" He sniffled a yes. I had to wrack my brain for what he did right, but once I got started I was able to list a ton of kind gestures and helpful things he had done (We find what we're looking for. Good thing I changed what I was looking for). I held him and stroked his back while I talked about everything I liked about him and his behaviors that day. It felt much more right to focus on the positive than to pick him apart. Anyways, when I was done his shoulders were lifted, his self-esteem was nurtured, and he was smiling. I asked him to get in the bath and he yelled, "Okay!" and eagerly jumped in the tub. When I asked him to clean up the bath toys and get out, same thing. He was so EAGER to please me, so eager to be the good boy I had described, and so eager to feel the pleasure that comes with doing what's right and being recognized for it. So I learned a valuable lesson (the hard way) yesterday about how to get the desired attitude and behavior out of people and to feel better about myself in the meantime. He went from being attacked to feeling like a winner, and when people feel like winners it's natural to make good choices.