Monday, April 27, 2009

Home: Preparing for Summer Visitors (Cleaning, accommodating, stocking up, etc.)

My favorite summer vacations as a child always involved visiting loved ones. The excitement of playing with cousins was the most thrilling summer adventure. Now that I am an adult I realize that it can be just as much work for the host as it is fun for the guest. Let’s make it enjoyable for everyone by preparing now so that you are ready and able to enjoy your guests once they arrive. When having company over for the summer you want them to feel comfortable and welcome. Let’s make this stress-free and enjoyable visit for all by putting forth some thought and effort beforehand.

Let’s break it down by starting with sleep accommodations. My family didn’t have a lot of room growing up, so oftentimes guest meant sharing a room with my brothers or sleeping on the couch during the visit, which was fine with me. I just loved having people come stay! Once you have decided the area in the house that the guests will be staying in, you want to make sure that the sheets and blankets are clean. If you can do this beforehand (if none of your children sleep on the bed that will be used for the guests) I suggest doing it this week. Some people like extra pillows so, if available, allot at least two pillows per guest like a hotel does. I don’t keep a ton of extra pillows on hand, so I just put my extra personal pillows on the guest bed with clean pillow cases. Now that the bed is ready make sure the room is straightened. You don’t want your guests to trip over toys or have a difficult time distinguishing the items in their own luggage from the clutter on the floor. Of course I recommend putting the items away where they belong, but if time doesn’t permit then just put all the stuff in a box or laundry basket to deal with later. You don’t want to get caught up in organizing the whole house—the goal right now is to make the guestroom comfortable.

When it comes to cleaning the house in anticipation of guests, start with the most important areas first. Prioritize and stay focused. After the guest room feels ready, next on my priority list is cleaning the bathroom your visitors will be using. Enlist the help of your children if they are old enough. My philosophy is that if they help dirty the house (or dishes or clothes) then they need to help clean it. This helps prepare them for the real world and does wonders for their sense of self-worth. Imagine how they must feel, knowing that the world is a better place because they contributed something to it! My 3 year old squirts the Windex on the mirrors and counters and then I give him a paper towel to help wipe. Cleaning together is a great opportunity to teach life skills and share a loving moment. I show him how to wipe in circles and to wipe everywhere it is wet with Windex. He misses spots, but he is improving, and patience is crucial. Recognize and appreciate their efforts and try to find specific praise such as, “I saw how you kept rubbing that really dirty spot until it came off. Way to keep at it even though it was hard! You must be strong!” It’s okay to “trade” spots if they are too young to do an adequate job so you can make sure their area is clean for your guests. While we are cleaning together I tell him how nice it is to be able to make our house clean for our family and guests. Now I hear him say how much he loves making a nice home for his family as he cleans. It’s amazing how much our attitudes can affect our children’s. If we’re going to do something anyways, we might as well enjoy it. It’s up to us.

While in the bathroom, you’ll want to make sure you have plenty of toiletries on hand. Get out your grocery list (and I highly recommend having a running grocery list that other members of the family can add to) and make sure you have enough toilet paper, women’s hygiene supplies, soap, shampoo and conditioner easily accessible. It’s also a nice touch to have toothpaste and an extra toothbrush in the medicine cabinet if you have an extra one on hand, like from the dentist.

You’ll also want to stock up on food and snacks, and possibly paper products to accommodate a larger crowd, so head to the kitchen next. I personally like my guests to fill like they can help themselves to cereal, etc (makes less work for me if they take care of themselves!), so I try to have several varieties available. We normally eat very healthy at our house, so that when we feel like splurging I don't feel any guilt and no damage is done. So when guests are in town I try to treat them a little with tasty snacks and cereals I might not otherwise buy, making the vacation a little more exciting for all of us.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Parenting 101: A Lesson Learned the Hard Way

Yesterday I was so exhausted and frustrated with Brinton's (almost 4 years old) disobedience. He has actually been quite cooperative lately, but he had done several naughty things and I was simply worn out, especially since my husband travels for work and was gone. With no help from hubby I just wanted the kids to go straight to bed last night. I was frustrated and told him so and I listed all the bad things he had done that day. I wasn't yelling or anything, but I told him I didn't have the energy to lay down by him at bedtime like usual because of x, y, and z that he had done wrong that day. His face crumpled and he started crying and said I was mean. So I pulled him close and asked, "What did I do mean?" He replied through tears, "Talking about all the naughty stuff. I don't like that." I said, "Okay. And I don't like it when you do naughty stuff. [pause] Would you rather I talked about everything you did nice today?" He sniffled a yes. I had to wrack my brain for what he did right, but once I got started I was able to list a ton of kind gestures and helpful things he had done (We find what we're looking for. Good thing I changed what I was looking for). I held him and stroked his back while I talked about everything I liked about him and his behaviors that day. It felt much more right to focus on the positive than to pick him apart. Anyways, when I was done his shoulders were lifted, his self-esteem was nurtured, and he was smiling. I asked him to get in the bath and he yelled, "Okay!" and eagerly jumped in the tub. When I asked him to clean up the bath toys and get out, same thing. He was so EAGER to please me, so eager to be the good boy I had described, and so eager to feel the pleasure that comes with doing what's right and being recognized for it. So I learned a valuable lesson (the hard way) yesterday about how to get the desired attitude and behavior out of people and to feel better about myself in the meantime. He went from being attacked to feeling like a winner, and when people feel like winners it's natural to make good choices.